How Greenland convinced Santa to change his outfit to European blue

Blog, 01/04/2025, by Sven Franck (en français , in Deutsch)

TL;DR - Greenland stood up the Vance family because they were convincing Santa to switch his outfit from Maga-red to EU-blue. With a green light from the North Pole, a petition has been launched to request chocolate manufacturers and retailers to jump on the bandwagon.

I was happy to read this April 1st morning that the shenanigans of the new US government have also made their way to the North pole. Thanks to Greenland! You might have wondered why JD Vance and wife arrived to an empty tarmac on their recent Greenland visit. No invitation. No carpet. No welcome delegation. Not only because of the US imperialist stance on Greenland, but also because Greenland’s representatives had travelled north to discuss geopolitics - with Santa.

Whatever happened to compassion?

You don’t have to read Dickens “A Christmas Carol” to know that Christmas is supposed to be about compassion. Yet the new US president is going full “scrooge” - deporting anyone deemed not welcome, defunding USAid vital throughout the world and letting Ukraine fend for itself contrary to prior commitments. The new US doesn’t ask if you want to be helped across the street. It pushes you over and then asks to be paid for the service. In the case of Greenland, the service is protection - need it or not - and the price is access to rare-earths, shipping lanes and probably Santa. Greenland had every reason to escalate the matter upward to the North Pole.

And while Santa lives on one of the rarest places on earth, he is by no means US property. Yes, it was German-born American artist Thomas Nast who supposedly provided Santa with his first red suit in 1881 before Coca-Cola from 1931 onwards made him a global marketing icon. But Santa wore plenty of outfits throughout history and places. The thing is, Santa was never the marketing and commercial aficionado the US portrayed him to be. No big parades during the day, but a sled gliding silently through the night. No grand entrance through the door, but sneaking in and out through chimneys. Santa does good without getting noticed. And for that, the red outfit was in fact rather unhandy, too attention-seeking and difficult to clean after a good night’s work. So when Greenland made a proposal, Santa was all ears.

Ditching Maga-red for European-blue

Of course, Santa was aware of what was happening. He received over 150 million letters since 1985 and the ones arriving over the last two months painted a somber picture of the world.Santa Claus' Main Post Office - Wikipedia Santa was quite uneasy at the prospect of wearing a red outfit that no longer stood for compassion but was being labelled as “Maga-red”. When the Greenland delegation suggested a more European look, not only more classical and classy, but also much closer to his traditional outfits, Santa smiled under his white beard.

This was because it also came to his ears, that although much was being asked of the European Union and its member states, they were apparently making an effort to fill the gap: helping secure Ukraine with European defence, providing shelter to scientists at risk of being arrested and hopefully even agreeing on a joint EUAid initiative. A United Europe could make a difference and Santa could see himself supporting this effort by sporting one of his old costumes that would pass as European blue and just required a few stars for making a special symbolic gesture this Christmas.

Ho-ho-hoh!

France was once scolded with the “Freedom fries” initiative. With an equivalent idea, the Greenland delegation returned back south eager to address chocolate manufacturers and retailers across Europe: this season Santa will wear blue. To make a symbolic statement for a united Europe, chocolate Santa’s in stores should also wear a European blue outfit with stars. An online petition has been set up. The petition and change of costume will be communicated to retailers and chocolate manufacturers so they can switch production once Easter bunnies are done.

We could all use some European unity now. Thank you, Greenland, for taking the initiative.