Alice in Wonderland

Blog, 13/01/2025, by Sven Franck (au français , in deutsch)

What a Campaign Kickoff! After Alice Weidel set new standards in relativization during her tête-à-tête with Elon Musk, the AfD met in Riesa, Saxony, to officially nominate Alice Weidel as their lead candidate and approve the party’s election program for the Bundestag. Considering the program’s vision for Germany - phasing out wind energy, mass deportations and of course "Dexit", and setting aside the historically inappropriate context, I can’t help but wonder whether the chosen slogan, "Alice for Germany," is actually a sham for "Alice in Wonderland." Why? Let’s journey into this new German wonderland.

Make way, woke wind turbines!

For those who don’t have the patience to read an entire election program, AI offers a shortcut: on Bundestagswahl.ai, the platforms of various parties are visualized in a single image. AI still has the vagueness of dreams — so let’s dream, that we were offered a free entry passed immigration controls and "Keep out" signs into this Wonderland.

First impression: there's a harsh wind blowing in Germany. Wasted potential, because there aren’t any wind turbines left. The AfD dismantled them first and — in a rare moment of eco-consciousness — reused them to fence in Germany. Unfortunately, following the CDU’s rushed nuclear phaseout, the AfD’s hasty wind energy exit has cost Germany around 36% of its energy production (as of 2024). Worse, german energy providers have clearly stated that decommissioned nuclear power plants cannot be reactivated and that building new facilities would take at least 10 years under optimal conditions (anyone still counting for Stuttgart21 or the BER airport). Consequently, in Alice’s Wonderland, the German industry is often left in the dark — despite the forced resurgence of mining and coal power plants.

Germany has become a quiet place. Shops, bars, and restaurants are closed. After COVID, finding staff was no longer a given, but with the first wave of "remigration," the AfD expelled the last remaining workers who kept everyday life running in Germany, from bartenders to kitchen staff. The ideal German family of "man, woman, child" is still one child short of maintaining the population, and despite banning abortions and contraception, as well as frequent power outages, German families just aren’t reproducing enough. With neither kids nor immigrants, the German economy quickly loses steam, just as the pensions for the aging population lose stability. Be not worried — there are plenty of spaces in retirement homes, but without care staff (who were already scarce before remigration), the beds remain empty, as the elderly simply spend their twilight years at home in the twilight of their bedside candles.

Wenn ich König(in) von Deutschland wär (original)

Without electricity, Elon’s gigafactory in Brandenburg also quickly shut down. According to Elon, autonomous driving also wasn’t feasible in Germany due to the lack of straight roads in traditional cities. Too bad that for large scale urban renewal and infrastructure à la Albert Speer, Wonderland Germany lacks the construction workers from Eastern Europe it asked to leave after coming into power. No Deliveroo cyclists, no public buses — the streets are as deserted as the cleaned sidewalks on Sundays. One is tempted to say, the Wunderland is looking a bit like North Korea.

I kid you not: Germany has become a more North Korean in many ways. Even though it wasn’t entirely part of the AfD’s ideological agenda, when push came to shove, Alice was still grateful that North Korea, in addition to sending soldiers from Russia and Ukraine to maintain public order, became a new partner in various sectors - from industry workers to healthcare practitioners after many immigrant high quality professionals fled to other EU member states in search of a better future.

Speaking of Europe and the EU — Wonderland Germany is now in the middle of Europe but no longer part of it. Disconnected from the power grid like by a Russian trawler. Erussmus instead of Erasmus. 1000 Af-DMarks worth one euro and the German star that the AfD shot out of the European flag is now just a pale shadow of itself — a bystander on the international stage while other superpowers decide Germany’s fate. "Mission accomplished" for Elon Musk and Donald Trump, a fact even the constant background noise of the new "New German Wave" cannot overplay as the new reality, that we've been played sinks in with everyone across the country. Just a bit too late.

Alice, Alice, Where the F*** is Alice? (this song you know)

And Alice? For a while, she played the role of the (blue) Queen of Hearts in Wonderland with her "remigration" being a much softer demand than the original Red Queen's — but not long after, she fled the spirits she called forth, seeking safety abroad. From Switzerland where she lives with her female partner and their "woman, woman, child, child" family, she now only occasionally tells the story of her Wonderland.

Let's be frank: There is no Wonderland. And Alice knows that. The more naïve we are, the more bruised we will get.

Germany is not an outlier in Europe. Like elsewhere, bad politics is no match for the "Wonderland programm" of the far right. Like Hungary, Italy, Slovakia, or now Austria, I fear that every EU member state must endure a phase, long or short, in which far-right parties in power attempt to dismantle democratic principles and human rights under the guise of a better world — before the population comes to their senses.

In the end, the most successful countries will be ones that manage to avoid such a democratic dry spell. Europe could serve as a safety net, a counterweight to nationalist tendencies within its borders and, on the world stage, a bastion of security and stability against the neo-imperialism of Putin and likely Trump as well. We already live in a union of nations and our diversity is our strength. Other superpowers know that and act accordingly, from Musk to TikTok, to weaken the European idea and our unity.

"Alice in Wonderland" is just one of the tales we risk falling for in the upcoming election. Let’s not be naïve on February 23 and close Pandora's box and the entrance to Wonderland in Germany.